hope you had the time of your life [elle]

[roxanna renée winters]

”Welcome to Lipton. Population: 8000”

The difference between here and their former life couldn’t have been more vast if it had tried. Born and raised in and around Hollywood, the city of LA had been home to the Winters twins for the past 18 years. Which was, in Roxy’s mind, approximately eighteen years too long. If New York was the city that never slept then Roxy decided Los Angeles must be the city that never cared. It was dog-eat-dog, from the mean and dangerous streets of Compton at the bottom of the pile, to the equally mean and dangerous streets of West Hollywood at the top.

Nobody seemed to see it that way though. People preferred to view the wealthy inhabitants of Beverley Hills as people who had made it in life; as almost unimaginably far away from the very poorest population struggling in the ghettos. But were the prostitutes on the rough street corners really so far away from the platinum blonde playboy bunnies? After all, when the facade was taken away; when the glitz and the glamour was removed from the situation, all that really remained was the adage that sex sells.

Then there were the drug addled actors and musicians, battling exactly the same demons as the hopeless and homeless addicts on the streets, but yet somehow making that battle infinitely more edgy and cool. It didn’t make sense, but that was how LA worked. It was seemingly okay to be depressed, addicted, mentally unwell and starved as long as you dressed it all up with designer outfits and pearly white teeth. As long as you could keep your issues hidden under a hot, skinny, well dressed body, nobody cared.

It was a world of celebrity, where the stars ruled the town and everybody craved their five minutes of fame. Life was meant to be about not judging books by their covers but in the fame game the key was not what was inside your book, but what you presented on the front. If your cover sold then you had accessed the twinkling bright lights of success, no matter what troubles you had hidden between the pages. It was only then down the line, when your cover became worn and frayed, or your story blew open onto the wrong page, that the glittering world came crashing down around you.

It was a city of secrets, where one wrong move could leave your career in tatters. You gave the public the side of you that they wanted to see, and swept the rest underneath the carpet. You ignored how you felt and focused on how you looked. It was the kind of culture that lifted you up and made you famous then chewed you up and spat you out. And right now, driving through the neatly surburban streets of their new town, Roxy guessed that this was the moment where they were spat out.

Starlets since the tender age of 6 months old, Estelle and Roxanna Winters had grown up with wealth and celebrity just forming their own version of normality. Pushed into acting and modelling by their fame hungry parents, the girls really hadn’t much choice in the direction their life headed. Whilst other kids played on the swings and ran through the park, Elle and Roxy spent their days on tv sets and modelling shoots, flashing cheesy grins, delivering snappy lines and making the world fall in love with them. When it was all you had ever known, there was no way to feel resentment towards your life and the girls had just got on with it all willingly. They were a commodity- cute, charismatic and talented as well as being a near identical pair. They were made for fame and so fame took them into its grip and held onto them tightly.

And that would have been ideal if it had been what they both wanted. Don’t get Roxy wrong, there were parts of her life which she had enjoyed. The money, the freebies, the limos and VIP access to wherever they wanted to go. It was a privileged existence which they had grown up to believe was quite everyday. But there were parts Roxy would never get used to. The fact you could never leave your house looking anything less than perfect, the cruel and vindictive gossip magazines which assumed your were pregnant or had let yourself go if you presented even the slightest carb bloat. Not being able to trust anybody as you knew the majority were after your money. And, perhaps most of all and a point which encompassed them all, the fact you could never be yourself.

The sisters had found fame as cutesy little girls and despite them growing up into independent young women, the public image of them struggled to adapt. The media and their fans didn’t want two individual and strong minded women, they wanted a perfectly matching set of twins, who spent their whole lives glued to each others sides. And as much as Roxy adored her sister, there were times when she just wanted to be as far away from Elle as possible. It was normal sibling issues; the sorts of things that sisters up and down the land argued about. Bickering and fights over who was getting preferential treatment off their parents, who had used the last of the juice and not replaced it, who had borrowed a dress and not returned it. Except that whilst normal siblings could bitch at each other and then get away to stew and recover, Estelle and Roxanna had to put on the smiles and face the public like there was nothing whatsoever wrong in paradise. And cuddling up and holding hands with somebody who you just want to scream at was sometimes the most frustrating thing in the world.

As they grew up, it seemed like the skewed world of fame began to mess with them more and more. Their parents split up and the girls went off the rails but still they maintained the happy family smiles. Kept on pretending that everything was okay. In the day, Elle and Roxy would be butter wouldn’t melt family friendly actresses and in the evening they would get drunk and high in whatever establishment would take them. It was a tragic existence that was kept hidden from even their parents; generally themselves too tied up in their own issues to bother much with the sisters’.

For Roxy, drugs were something she could take or leave. They were fun to dabble in but she had no intentions of becoming an addict. Not that of course any addict intents for their life to go that way, but somehow it just sucked Elle in more than it ever did Roxy. For Elle took the whole thing well past anything that could any longer be described as ‘dabbling’.

It was such a heartbreakingly sad thing to witness your sibling become so reliant on something that was doing her so much damage. Just watching as the destructive relationship grew ever more needy with nothing you were able to do to break it. Roxy wanted to be strong; to help her sister to pull herself out of the mess that she was sinking further and further into and yet the more Elle fell to her demons, the further Roxy surrendered to her own.

With an almost morbid fear of not being the ‘chubby twin’ against her drug-skinnied sister, Roxy battled her weight in any way she could. Binging and purging following days of starvation became a normal eating pattern and racking up hours on the treadmills just became another way to pass the time. It was perhaps the only way any more she felt like she could grasp control in the mess that was becoming their lives.

In that mess, something of course- at some point- had to give. And something giving when your life is so precariously balanced was never going to be an uneventful matter. Estelle would have been the more predictable subject for a crash and burn. It was after all only so long that you could play with fire before you got yourself burnt. The event that had actually unfolded however had been unexpected from any viewpoint.

Perhaps it had been a cry for help, some speculated. Maybe a desperate ‘notice me’ gesture. Some more morbid cynics even put it down as an attempt to stay in the spotlight. The official reason for ending up in hospital that day was ‘accidental overdose’. That’s what she told everybody. Roxy had dabbled naively into drugs for the first time and it had gone wrong. It was easiest that way; a small blip in the otherwise sickly sweet existences of the Winters sisters. Nobody needed to know the truth. Nobody needed to hear the fact that it was an attempt on her life that didn’t quite make it.

Of course somebody did know, and that somebody would likely never let her forget what really happened that day, but Roxy could only focus on maintaining the lies to everybody else, hoping that the one person who knew the truth would keep it to themselves. It worked for everybody’s benefit that way, after all. Roxanna wouldn’t be forced to admit the real issues that plagued her, and her family wouldn’t have to face the fall out of everybody knowing that everything was so far from perfect in their lives that one child wanted out completely. It was such a complicated web of deceit that it even confused Roxy sometimes who knew what about her life, but they were just about holding it together.

Despite the cover up however, damage limitation was still immediately necessary. Though accidental overdose was perhaps not quite as bad as a full on suicide attempt, people were still talking. What was going on in the family behind closed doors? What else were they hiding? Where were the parents in all of this? Of course the parents had been quite disinterested in the whole issue, choosing to fight out their own problems at all times of day and night. But now they had to at least appear like a doting, responsible mother and father; taking care of what was happening in their family.

And that’s how they ended up here. In the small town of Lipton. A break away apparently; an indefinite respite from Hollywood to sort things out and let the scandal settle. To show that whatever had happened they were in this together- the super close Winters family.

Sitting here in silence in the car, the truth couldn’t have been much further from the media statement. It was a family built on hate, with members either hating themselves or hating each other, and sometimes both. They’d moved out of town to ‘support Roxanna’, but the girl knew that nobody wanted to be here. It was all just waffle to protect their own image, their own wealth and their own lifestyles. Roxy’s desperate attempt may have got her the release from the limelight that she had craved so much, but it had ultimately made her family resent her. And, turning to her sullen faced twin sister sitting beside her, that resentment was never more apparent than now. It was just, of course, whether that would prove to be worth living with.

With what seemed like endless hours in a car where the tension could be cut with a knife, the family finally rolled up at what now could presumably be called home. It was probably about as lavishly decadent as this hidden away town could manage. Away from all the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, people just didn’t live in sprawling marble clad mansions, but this place went at least some of the way to attempting it.

As the iron gates swung open, the paved driveway led up to the frontage of the large and imposing building. Frankly Roxy wouldn’t have minded a little bungalow just to be away from the stresses, but her parents seemed less willing to let their quality of life slip to such an extent. So this would be it. This would be their new residence for an unspecified length of time. Well, however long it was until either Roxy gave up and went back to it all, or the whole family fell apart entirely. Frankly, with the pained silence in the back of the Range Rover, Roxy had no idea which one would be more likely to happen first.

”Are we racing for the best room?” Roxy asked almost tentatively, turning to Estelle beside her as she picked up her stuff from the footwell. It was with fondness that she remembered the last time they had moved and he utter excitement and mad screaming rush to choose the biggest bedroom. It had all ended with them wrestling each other in fits of laughter off the end of one of the enormously proportioned beds to stake claim to an especially decadent room. Unsurprisingly Estelle had won over her somewhat less strong willed sibling and convinced Roxanna to give in for a quiet life. It had all been in quiet good spirits though, such was the happy energy of the day. Somehow though, Roxy just couldn’t imagine today bringing quite such joyful hysteria.

[/size]

[estelle marie winters]

Lipton, Colorado. A place this small, this simplistic, and this unpopulated was hardly the place that you would expect to find a family of stars. Especially not a family of stars who were so influential and prominent in the modern day media as the Winters family. No. A town this small and distant was hardly even fit for the simplest of attention cravers. With a population of just under 8,000, Lipton was the epitome of traditional small towns. It was the furthest place from the typical lifestyles of the rich and famous. It was something Hollywood would make a mockery of, had it been large enough for anyone to even know it existed in the first place. A town this small was only fit for the simplest of people. And, apparently, it was also fit for the Winters family.

Moving to a town so simple hadn't been a choice that most of the Winters family had wanted to make. But, like all decisions the family made, it had been what was best for the family image. Lipton appeared to be the ideal place to set any record straight, regardless of how screwed up it may be. It was a small, clean town nestled just far enough in the mountains of Colorado to be outside of Hollywood's grasp. But, it was also just a short drive to the nearest airport from which a few hour flight could get you straight back into the chaos of a bustling Hollywood lifestyle. Straight back into the slur of problems that had got the family here in the first place. Problems that were rather serious.

Being born into a rather long line of stars had both its advantages and disadvantages, any celebrity would admit to that. However, even if they would admit there were disadvantages, they often candy coated them, making them seem much less serious and much less numerous than they really were. Celebrities tried to focus on the money, the parties, the fame, and the glamor. But, the truth was, each advantage was a double sided blade, causing the disadvantages to far outnumber the advantages. The glamor, the fame, and the money could all easily go to ones' head. And, the parties were even worse. They had the kind of parties that we fed to the media - glamorous, ritzy, and extreme- that made celebrities the envy of many. Then there was the side that everyone just covered up, much different than the first. Drugs, alcohol, sex, and scandals were at the sole of these parties' problems. Much like the parties themselves, these problems were simply covered up, pretending that they didn't exist until someone took it a tad too far. At that point, they would feign shock, as if they didn't know the rich and famous could live such a dirty life, and wait for the latest scandal to blow over before returning right back to the old ways. It was a nasty cycle. More times than not, it were enough to turn even the most stable of people into a crazy, messed up wreck.

The Winters family were the latest victims of that cycle. Just a few months before, they were the "ideal" family of celebrities. Or, at least they were a lot better at making it seem that way than they were now. There was a mother and a father, both in show business, who, even if they were officially split years before, still put the front up that they were the best of friends for their daughters' benefits. They were convincing, manipulative, and sometimes even Elle herself had great difficulty distinguishing what was an act for the press and what was reality. It was a rather blurred line that separated their reality from their lies. A line that the twins, America's "favorite" twins, were expected to contribute to just as much as their parents did. Anything that had to be done or said to maintain the perfect family image to the world was expected to be thrown out there, regardless of if it were the truth or not. If it benefited the image, it was to be out there. Image was key, the twins parents had preached since the beginning of time. Nothing else really mattered, just so long as they kept the image to the press clean and sickly sweet.

That expectation was a lot on two young girls. They had been thrown straight into the world of show business from the time they were six months old. Their childhood had been spent in the limelight as America's sweethearts. Magazine covers, movies, a television show or two, and fashion photo shoots were only the beginning. Roxy and Elle Winters dominated the world's media in every aspect. If they could have held a tune between the two of them, Elle was certain they would have even been singers, too. Nothing was off limits. A world of show business that was primarily meant for adults was ran by two teenage, twin bombshells. Between the two of them, in eighteen short years they had more experience and exposure than most actors ever dreamed of getting in a lifetime. Acting and modeling were just second nature by this point in their lives. They had played nearly every role out there, spending their childhoods in studios or on catwalks rather than in school or on the playground. And, they liked to put on the front that it came with ease and pleasure. Regardless of if the truth was behind it.

For Elle Winters, the life of an actress was a life taken much for granted. It was something she loved, and loved to hate, and it was the only life she had ever known. She couldn't see herself in any other position or lifestyle, nor did she want to. She enjoyed the perks of her job, and was much like her parents in the fact that she simply had to see her name in lights. She understood the fact that she had to maintain an image to keep her name in lights, as well, but there was always a ton of pressure on her shoulders. She couldn't slip up even the slightest bit; she couldn't explore new, mature roles; she couldn't disappoint her family or friends; she couldn't speak of their home struggles; and, she absolutely couldn't speak of her own troubles. That was a lot of pressure for anyone, and especially so for a young teenager in an adult world. Everyone had their own ways of coping with things, and Elle soon discovered hers.

It had started as an experiment, a game really. Elle and Roxy had a habit of going off to parties at night, using it has their way to cope with their fame and the expectations on them. It was a way to get the pressure off. They would dance, dabble in things hardly appropriate for "America's Sweethearts," and then return home as if nothing had happened. Elle knew their parents knew about the parties, but she also knew that they wouldn't say anything unless it began to interfere with the front they had worked so hard to perfect. And, since the twins always returned home, prepared to act as if they had spent the night at home, cozied up with a book or some movies together, it was never mentioned. This was probably the primary reason that experimentation quickly turned into fixation. With no consequences, anything was possible. And, Elle took full advantage of that.

Their weekly party runs soon occurred more frequently than ever. And, while most of her peers were content with sneaking alcohol or tiny doses of drugs, Elle flirted a bit more dangerously. She quickly learned that alcohol, though it helped clear her mind, had nowhere near the affects that drugs had. And, though she knew it were dangerous, she proceed with experimentation, anyhow. The drugs quickly became her sole reason for attending parties. And, before she even really understood what was happening, they worked their way into every aspect of her life. She wasn’t just experimenting, anymore. She craved them, needed them, to cope with her day to day life. The older they got, the more pressures that were thrown onto them, and drugs were the only thing that Elle knew she could turn to. Was she addicted? She didn’t believe she was. But, did any addict truly believe they couldn’t quit?

No one knew of Elle’s dirty little secret, except for one person. The only person who knew her inside and out. Roxanna. But, Roxy had her own problems. They were constantly in this unspoken battle to be the prettiest, the skinniest, the most talented twin. A dangerous competition that ruled their lives. Elle’s coping mechanism was to only take more drugs, different drugs, anything to keep her weight down to a desirable level. Roxy had other coping mechanisms. And, though none of their coping mechanisms were desirable, they proceeded to do it anyhow. Image, after all, was key.

The twins were talented at covering up their devices, too. Only one person knew of Elle’s drug stash. Only one person knew of Roxy’s binging. If either told, they’d be turning in themselves as well. It was carefully balanced and devised, which was why the crash and burn of the Winters family was nearly inevitable and unpredictable. Though everyone had their own speculations, no one expected what would happen. Elle herself couldn’t even see it coming.

It had been an attempt at her life. Estelle was all but naive about her sister’s overdose. Her parents, the hospitals, the media, and their fans may have been fooled, but Elle knew better. And so did Roxy. The both knew where the drugs came from, they both knew about the note left behind, and they both knew why she had done it. They also knew that should word ever get out about any of it, there would be more consequences than they could even imagine. Imagine, again, was ruling their lives. Image, they knew, was the only reason their parents had even bothered to get involved at all. Everything had to be about their image.

Which, was precisely why they were now in Lipton, Colorado. Relocating, regrouping, and letting it all blow over. Their parents wanted to appear responsible and concerned, and this had seemed like the best option. Roxy had gotten her way and they were out of the limelight for the time being. The rest of the family could simply hope for Roxy’s recovery to be smooth and painless, so that this could all blow over and they could be back in their beloved spotlight before anyone even realized they were gone. This would be just a small bump in the road, was the hope. But, Elle knew that would probably not be the case.

The long drive from Hollywood to Lipton had been a quiet one. The radio was going in the background, allowing their parents to stay up-to-date on any other situations that would require damage control. Occasionally, something would be spoke between the family, but Elle had refrained from most all comments. She had her headphones in, her eyes unwavering from the landscaping outside her windows. The only comments she would make were casual digs at her twin sister, only to accent her disdain for the entire situation. But, even then, her words had been short and to the point. They had traded Hollywood for what Elle considered to be the middle of nowhere; she only hoped Roxy was satisfied with herself.

The only thing she could find herself grateful for was the fact that her parents hadn’t let their standard of living slip in the slightest. Large iron gates opened to a long, paved driveway that lead up the hill to a more than extravagant building. Their new house. Hopefully a temporary house until they could all go back to their ‘normal’ lives. It was a gorgeous building, but it wasn’t her home. Not as long as it was in Lipton, it wasn’t.

Elle climbed out of the Range Rover now, stiff from the long ride here. She began to gather her belongings from their scattered places across the seat. Her ear buds remained in her ears, and oversized sunglasses still on her eyes, making it easy as ever to ignore everyone and everything. The sooner she could set herself into isolation, the better. So, at her twin’s question, Elle merely turned, slamming her door. As much as she wanted this to be just like the last time they had moved – full of joy, good spirit, and fun – it would never be that way. ”I think we both know the answer to that,” Elle stated coldly after few moments delay. She had come to Lipton with enough protest to everyone, and Roxy was the sole of her problems. She was still too mad at the world to even want to talk to her, let alone play-wrestle with her.

[roxanna renée winters]

Roxy couldn’t pin point the moment when she started to despise the life she’d been brought up into. Certainly looking back on her childhood she had been happy- not perhaps happy in the same carefree and innocent way as her peers had been- but happy nonetheless. But things of course were easier as children. Estelle and Roxanna had a few hours of work a day but at that point it never felt truly like work. They messed around, played on set and said a few lines and in return they were treated like princesses. In between takes, assistants brought them whichever food they so desired, and a team of minders kept them amused with toys and games and trips out. It was a recipe for spoilt, demanding children but keeping the girls happy was in everybody’s best interest- maintaining two matching grins on two matching twins kept the money rolling in for everybody.

Back then, there was nothing to dislike. Strict laws dictated how long the girls could work for and their abundance of free time was spent abusing the perks of fame. Even then if they could have comprehended the difference between their lifestyle and the lives of ‘normal’ kids across America, they would probably only have noted the fact that ‘normal’ kids didn’t get VIP queue jump passes to Disneyland. They were just too young when they were dumped into this life to see past the more simplistic and materialistic aspects of their fame. At 5,6,even 7 years old, it was near impossible for a child to see past the flashy gifts and notice just how much of normality they were actually missing out on.

Tragically by the time either girl was old enough to reflect on normality, it was far, far too late to even begin to claw that normality back. They’d been swept into a strong current and were helpless now to do anything but to let themselves be dragged along with it. As they got older the perks stayed the same, but the work itself began to feel more noticeable. As young children, Estelle and Roxanna were similar enough to share roles. If either was in a bad mood, tired or poorly, the other could take the slack and carry on. Getting older though and they became cast as individuals. Time was money in Hollywood and the sympathy for being in a bad mood, tired or poorly quickly ran out. Stark memories remained in Roxanna’s mind of having makeup troweled on her pale and washed out features as she held back the need to be sick. Or of being literally dragged out of bed screaming to get in the car to work. Where other kids could stay curled up on the sofa watching films, Estelle and Roxanna had to get out there and make them.

Even then though, it was okay. Work was a drag but when they were told that other kids their age spent hours of each day cooped up in a classroom, they were somehow convinced that they had a preferable deal. How could they possibly complain when they spent so much of their time living a life that most kids could only dream of? Being treated to things which even working adults couldn’t comprehend being able to afford? It seemed almost selfish to turn your nose up at a lifestyle which the majority of people wished they could lead.

Whenever that point first occurred though, Roxy did begin to resent her lifestyle. She hated being constantly exhausted and jet lagged from long hours and frequent travel across time zones. She hated not being able to step out of her front door without having a camera stuck in her face. She hated being part of ‘the Winters twins’ and not being any sort of person in her own right. By the time she had made the fateful decision, Roxy hated it all.

The one thing which had kept her going through it all though was Estelle. They could argue like cat and dog but in Roxy’s eyes, Elle was a best friend as well as a sister. And every early morning and late night on set was made bearable by having Elle there. They had spent almost every of their waking moments in their entire lives together and as such could communicate with an almost spooky sense of telepathy. They finished each others sentences, laughed at jokes which never needed to be spoken and came to an agreement with only the merest nod of the head and silent understanding of what the other was thinking. They could bicker like they hated each other but deep down, Elle was the one person Roxy had any time for. Every high and every low, Roxy had Elle there. They laughed together, they cried together and they faced every challenge as an unbreakable pair.

The drugs and the other issues had pulled their friendship at the seams but it seemed that it was this final straw which had broken it altogether. For any best friend or sibling would surely wish only the best for somebody they cared about. They would see the pain in their eyes and do anything they could to make that pain better. But Elle just stared back with a blank and cold look of disdain. Eighteen years of being inseparable had crumbled into scathing remarks across the driveway.

Roxy nodded silently at Elle’s remark, figuring that would probably be the response and as such being somewhat prepared for it. ”Come on Elle..” She said a little more desperately, raising her own oversized sunglasses from her face. ”I know you don’t want to be here, but can’t we try to make the best of it?”

[estelle marie winters]

It was strange at how a culture that was idolized by so many could be made of so many shades gray. There was a very thin and fragile line between the blessings and the evils of the life Elle and Roxy Winters had always known. It was a line so thin and fragile, that sometimes it was hard to tell if it really existed at all. Behind every blessing, there was an evil. And, with every evil came another fine evil. The line splitting the two was actually quite blurred, and with the slightest step, one could find themself teetering to the opposite side in a matter of a few short minutes.

And that was exactly what had happened with Estelle. The life of any celebrity was delicately balanced on that blurred line. It seemed as if everyone was trying to get you to fall from that line. Half of the people that the twins had been exposed to throughout their long eighteen years of fame had tried to make them seem grounded, normal even. They strived to keep a family friendly front on, and to ensure that both Roxy and Elle were always making the right decisions. Generally, they only wanted the best for the twins because it meant their own lives were better, but they were there nonetheless, trying to push them to the healthier, safer side. This meant that whatever it took to make the twins happy, they got with little to no questions. The other half of the people, however, were just trying to get them to stray from that family friendly image or trying to get them to break that aura of perfection everyone seemed to think that they possessed. They were the mirror image of the other group, trying their darnedest to pull Elle and Roxy Winters down from that pedestal they'd developed over the years. Whether it be as trivial as a bad photo on the red carpet or a slip up in wording in an interview, or be much more serious like a rumor of a drug addiction or rather raunchy photos of either of the girls, there was always a side constantly working against them. It took a delicate balance to stay teetering on that line, and it was only a matter of time before anyone fell from grace.

Elle and Roxy had just gotten lucky when their time had come. Their fall from grace had been a rapid, harsh, and rather unexpected one. One day, Elle was flirting dangerously with the darker side, using it to take the edge off their privileged life, and the next day they were in the hospital, trying to come up with a plausible story to feed to the media while her beloved sister lay recovering from the 'accidental' overdose. While this didn't exactly seem like a lucky, they had still come out relatively unharmed. Roxanna was alive, Estelle was now away from the influences of Hollywood, and their family appeared just as united as ever. A few months in solitaire, away from the grays of Hollywood was a small price to pay for a fall as large as that of the Winters Twins. The results could have been much, much worse. And, Elle was certain if that if anyone knew half of the real story, they would be surprised that the results hadn't been worse. The major fall may have seemed to be over, but both Estelle and Roxanna knew that deep down that was far from the truth. You could take the twins out of Hollywood, but you couldn't pull the Hollywood out of the twins. They were the same twins, just in a much different environment with brand new motives. It was only a matter of time until this image cracked, too.

The attitude that Elle currently possessed was only helping things along. Roxy may have gotten what she wanted, but Elle was going to do everything in her power to make sure that it wasn't what she wanted for long. Estelle wanted the life she had always had -the life of a Hollywood starlet. She did not want the life of a small town wannabe, or worse, that of a small town has-been. She knew that they needed to lay low for a little time and let this all blow over, and she knew that her parents weren't about to let her venture back out into the streets of her home until her sister was more than ready to be by her side. Elle just wanted to help the process along, and to force Roxy to see that Lipton was not a good enough town for either one of them. It wasn't a town even good enough to be in a movie that they were in. She wanted out.

So, at her sisters pleading words, the young adult just stared. She watched as her sister removed her sunglasses -ones that much matched her own- and turned to face her. Elle could see her pleading gaze, but didn't bother to return it. She rather liked the ability to block out the unwanted and to almost hide from it that the over-sized shades and her expensive ear buds gave to her. From behind them, she wasn't forced to meet her twin's pleading gaze. Roxanna may have been her best friend, her sister, and probably the only other person that truly understood her, but that didn't change the fact that Estelle was more than angry with her right now. No amount of pleading was going to get her to come around this easily. "No, we can't." Her words came just as harshly as before as she faced her sister. A thin line forming at her lips, Elle bunched her belongings together and took a few short steps toward the extravagant building that they could be calling home for the next several months. "There's nothing good about being here, Roxy. There's nothing to 'make the best of.'"

[ sorry this took me like a year, jen! ]

[roxanna renée winters]

It was easy to take the girls out of Hollywood- what was harder was to take Hollywood out of the girls. A plane ride and a car journey might well have taken Elle and Roxy quite unimaginably far away from their hometown, but it would take much, much more to drag them away from everything they had ever grown up into. Sticking the twins in a backwater town was not going to quickly fix the damage that 18 years of celebrity pressure had caused. It could perhaps stick a band aid over whatever wounds Hollywood had inflicted, but if Lipton could ever heal the scars, it would not be able to manage it within anything like the timeframe the rest of the family would have liked.

It was too ingrained- a fact that was becoming ever clearer to Roxy as she stood here on the driveway. Being in Lipton wasn’t going to stop Elle’s reckless ambition. Nor would it stop Roxy from looking over her shoulder and flinching in anticipation of a paparazzi. Over time perhaps things could be muddled together; sorted out even, but no way would a month long respite in Colorado magically heal the family for their return to Hollywood.

Roxy headed towards the house, keen not to have a heated conversation in the vulnerable position they were in. Frankly Roxy was unsure if small town Lipton had ever heard of a paparazzo, but the threat always felt close. Back in Hollwood it was impossible to leave your house without having a camera shoved in your face and you quickly learnt to keep your conversations hidden behind closed doors unless you wanted your gossip becoming the next front page of US weekly. Even though Hollywood was many miles away, Roxy still couldn’t help censoring herself and looking warily towards the trees as if expecting somebody to pop out and capture this sibling disagreement.

Elle’s words cut pretty deep, considering the implications, but many years of practise allowed Roxy to make it to the house before she allowed herself to acknowledge them. Just what would their fans make of a picture of the two of them brawling it out on the middle of the driveway? Keep the cool, protect the image above all else. But was there really nothing good about being here? With their parents a few steps ahead of them, Roxy lowered her voice to a whisper only loud enough for Elle to hear. For Elle was the only one who knew the real truth behind what was going on, and they both intended for it to stay that way.

”Apart from the fact that being here might mean at least one of us reaches our next birthday” Roxy spat. This was hard for Elle, Roxy understood that, she was trying to be sympathetic. But did Elle really not value anything other than her career and her social life? Was she really so tied up in it all that she would happily send her own sister back to the life which she’d made it obviously clear she couldn’t cope with, just so Elle never lost her celebrity sparkle?

”You’re unbelievable” Roxy continued, putting all of her effort into ensuring her voice didn’t become loud enough to attract the attention of her parents. It was probably unnecessary anyway. If their attitude was anything like her sister’s then Roxy could probably scream from the rooftops that she had wanted to kill herself and her parents would just stare straight through her to the dollar signs in the California distance.

Even if Roxy was taken out of this equation- even imagining that Elle was utterly incapable of feeling empathy for another human being- could the girl not see things even for herself? Could Elle not understand that Hollywood was eating her herself up and that each time she headed out on a bender she pushed her body just a little bit closer to its limit. If the bright lights hadn’t claimed Roxy first then they would have surely claimed Elle, but it just seemed like Elle lacked any kind of reason to care. Roxy stared at her through the darkened glasses, trying quite in vain to muster some sort of emotion from her sister other than disgruntled resentment.

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